FSM # 9: How do you react when people “offend” you?
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I’m talking about those situations where people – acquaintances, mostly – badmouth our common film score interest somehow (unconsciously or not). Let me elaborate with an example:
Last week, I went to a pub with a couple of colleagues from the institute for the usual “friday beer(s)”. The topics of our master theses came up, and mine is – as you probably know – film music. So that became a brief topic of discussion. The two girls that were there talked about how they actually DID own a couple of soundtracks (PULP FICTION, obviously, and PRISCILLA QUEEN OF THE DESERT), but that they generally didn’t care much about it. One of them even said outright:
“Well, I think it’s OK when they actually use songs in there, but I can’t STAND those fiddle…” She paused to find a word.
“…Screeching?” I said to fill her in.
“Ah yes!” she replied, “can’t stand that!”.
I smiled and nodded through the entire discussion, not once going into a fit to defend my interest. I just listened to what they had to say. I pretty much knew there was no point in trying to defend my interest without sounding pathetic. Still, I gladly replied “Star Wars” when they asked for MY favourite soundtrack, well knowing that I would receive a sneer in return.
I’m sure this is a common situation for many of you. There is a fine line between standing up for your interest (which is good), but not going all defensive. You have to be diplomatic. And to tell you the truth, their comments didn’t bother me that much. Yes, I felt somewhat “trampled on” in that exact moment, but you CANNOT let these things get to you. After all, if I am confident enough in my interest, I shouldn’t stop to care what others think. The discussion then went on to other topics, and I had a bloody good evening with some otherwise very nice colleagues.
However, I am a little curious as to how some of YOU have (or would have) reacted in similar social situations (please note that I’m talking about situations where you have something to LOSE, and not simply yelling at a stupid salesclerk that you will probably never meet again)?
Interestingly, this isn’t so much an issue anymore. Film music has come a long way in the last 20+ years, in terms of how it’s viewed in the general public.
I think Hans Zimmer is mostly the guy to thank for this.
Even at the Julebord tonight, there was a big Zimmer fan there that I didn’t know about, talking about “Cornfield Chase” from Interstellar and stuff.
Yes, that’s a good point. No doubt Zimmer – having crossed over and basically become a pop star now – has helped film music appreciation immensely.
Being “offended” when people find out about my music taste has really been never an issue for me, not even back in school. On the contrary, I’m happy to indulge and involve anyone in a discussion about film and film music. On the other hand, I am never pushing a discussion into that direction either. So when we go out and “mingle” with other couples, I just let the conversation go where it goes. It just depends on whether someone is interested in it or not. I don’t go on about “my” subjects if I think there’s no interest on the other side.
My interest in film music and classical music grew more or less parallel, and I just always “stuck to my guns”. When I was in high-school, I had some friends, and we were always discussing and exchanging new albums. Including film scores by Jerry Goldsmith, classical music recordings, pop, jazz… we went to concerts in those days by Sir Neville Mariner, Herbert von Karajan, as well as Falco, Huey Lewis and the News.
Sure, lots of kids where into the “popular” rock/band type music, but lots of them were also very interested if someone had a different taste. I know I sometimes taped music for other people just because they found it very good. I remember there was a girl I really liked, and she was very happy when I made her a cassette tape of “A PATCH OF BLUE”. So I don’t have a lot of memories when people “offended” me.As far as Hans Zimmer is concerned: his film music concerts are more like “pop/rock” concerts. Nothing wrong with that, and yes, they are popular, but on the other hand, they may well confirm the more elitist classical music snobs why film music should be kept out of concert and philharmonic halls. 🙂
Anyway, it’s true though, when I started to become very interested in film music, it was an uphill battle… hardly anyone seemed to notice or care. There was hardly any information on film music beyond that which the LP liner notes provided. I “convinced” lots of people in my near surroundings of the wonders of Jerry Goldsmith and Ennio Morricone, but there was little information to be found. Even classical music magazines like Gramophone and FonoForum or Classicstoday.com have reviewed film score releases.
It’s impressive that you’ve gone through your life without any disparaging remarks from others, Nick. Especially since you’re my age (a bit older, if memory serves) and was around when it was pretty much customary to look down on nerd interests — let’s say before the mid 2000s — especially, and including, film music. How does that happen?
Hm. Thor when I read your post I rather ask myself how often I offended you when I made fun of Hans Zimmer or your dislike of expansions.
But I am rarely offended by other’s negative opinion on music I like.
I might feel slightly offended by people in forums praising bad scores (in my book) with the phrase “It’s a fun score. I created a threat about that. Because it ridicules something that is important to me.
But even then I am not REALLY offended. Being offended is a matter of expectations. Probably I am not bad at managing mine.Hm. Thor when I read your post I rather ask myself how often I offended you when I made fun of Hans Zimmer or your dislike of expansions.
I mean, it might sting a little, but nothing that really makes an impact. It’s fine. After all, it’s different when it comes from fellow film music fans. I think the issue was more when there are uninformed, prejudiced dismissals from people who are not into film music to begin with. A complete dismissal of the entire artform. At least that’s how I remember it from almost 20 years ago. It’s rare that I meet these comments now.
I am and was not easily offended regarding my musical taste which always was a bit off. Also not if someone does not like my favorites. Glady I know a bit more music out of the plain film score realm. But it is like it is 😉
Film music is not the only artform that is not recognized by the general public. Since I studied illustration/Design I know a few illustrators and lots that work in children books. Ask them when they hear something like “you get paid for doing your hobby” (illustrators in that area are underpaid overhere like so many) and similar…
It’s impressive that you’ve gone through your life without any disparaging remarks from others, Nick. Especially since you’re my age (a bit older, if memory serves) and was around when it was pretty much customary to look down on nerd interests — let’s say before the mid 2000s — especially, and including, film music. How does that happen?
That’s an interesting question, and, despite being oder than you are, I have not really pondered much yet.
When I’m asked in social gatherings where I’m from, I’m sometimes hesitant to reply, not because of coyness, but because I genuinely don’t quite know how to reply. One of my “standard” replies I resort to is that “I went through two kindergartens, three elementary schools, and four high schools”, so I let the others pick which one of these I should resort to as a reply.
But one thing happens, when you’re always the new kid on the block: you learn, with each new environment, how to be the new cool kid on the block, and so, with each new environment, I learned how to adapt and by the time I was actually becoming seriously interested in music and subjects like that mattered, I belonged to the more cool crowd and my nerd interests were not something to be ostracized but embraced. I don’t know, but maybe that’s what it was. I have never given this much thought, (but I’m currently in a period in my life where I give such things some thought… which is also why I could reflect at length about the AVATAR movies). I could also be quite aggressive intellectually and wasn’t afraid to attack, so I circumvented the “nerd ostracism” with well placed pre-emptive strikes against certain “other” schoolmates, by dishing out remarks against the “mainstream listeners” such as “you guys chase trends. I chase greatness. Beethoven doesn’t go out of style.” It was a pre-emptive defense of sort maybe, but I really said things like that, and I thought and felt I was right, so I said it with conviction. And it worked. Nobody picked on me for my music taste.
I mean, it might sting a little, but nothing that really makes an impact. It’s fine. After all, it’s different when it comes from fellow film music fans. I think the issue was more when there are uninformed, prejudiced dismissals from people who are not into film music to begin with. A complete dismissal of the entire artform.
Probably especially painful when this comes from young attractive women. And one might think, “Again an ignorant music jerk caught in the body of a pretty girl.”
Probably especially painful when this comes from young attractive women. And one might think, “Again an ignorant music jerk caught in the body of a pretty girl.”
He, he. Definitely. Major turn-off, and not because she didn’t like film music, but because it displayed a closed-minded attitude. I remember my view of her was never the same after. 😀
But one thing happens, when you’re always the new kid on the block: you learn, with each new environment, how to be the new cool kid on the block, and so, with each new environment, I learned how to adapt and by the time I was actually becoming seriously interested in music and subjects like that mattered, I belonged to the more cool crowd and my nerd interests were not something to be ostracized but embraced.
I can relate to that. I changed schools a couple of times too. I wasn’t necessarily part of a “cool crowd”, but I had a toe in several crowds – armed with humour, I was in with both the hardcore nerds and the jocks alike. So whatever people felt about my nerd interests didn’t bother me, personally, and I rarely had to “stand up” for it with any kind of vigour. But it was something that I observed, just being around in the 80s and 90s; that nerd-dom was often ridiculed and/or marginalized in popular culture (REVENGE OF THE NERDS, anyone?). To a far, far greater extent than it is today, when it is usually admired. When my fellow teens latched on to grunge in the 90s, for example, I listened to old-school prog rock, electronic music and film music. I was definitely odd, in their eyes.
It was mostly a question of navigating, or choosing your battles, whenever you encountered disparaging remarks. I found a lot of value in the Socratic method, asking questions rather than defending with arguments (“ah, so you like 70s disco? Are you aware of Moroder’s work?” or “ah, so you like Nick Cave? Did you know that he has written a couple of film scores?”).
To a far, far greater extent than it is today, when it is usually admired.
Well, probably because today the nerds “run the world”, at least the digital one 🙂
I loved Morricone’s 2-LP set “I Film Della Violenza” so much that I started to play it for a small group of friends when they came to our house as teenagers. Hadn’t got three tracks in before one of them said it made him feel sick…
Was I offended?
Yes. Deeply. Never had them around again, the gits.
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